I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
