I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
