In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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