Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
