I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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