sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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