Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
