btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
