VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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