My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
