It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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