The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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