She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
