She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
