im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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