i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
