im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
