I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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