I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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