Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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