I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
