So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
