put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
