I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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