i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
