if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
