Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
