I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
