the new term for farting is butt boxing.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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