I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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