2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
