tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
