I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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