I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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