i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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