I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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