Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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