drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
