I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
