i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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