You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My bed smells like the plague
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