I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
