not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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