You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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