I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
