I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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