Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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