anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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