I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
