i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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