That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
