I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
