90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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