I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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