I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
