these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
how do flat chested girls get laid?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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