Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize