Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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