You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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