im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
