i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
