is wine microwaveable?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
