I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
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