drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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