Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
