My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
