I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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