we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
