I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
