ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
