I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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