Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
