Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
