This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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