He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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