i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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