Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You've changed since you got that strap on
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
