oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Drake has all the answers
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
