I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
tell me about the fingering
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