the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
